sad sad sad

I'm SAD. Very very very SAD =(

Why does loving sumone has to be so HARD and HURTFUL?

If I knew, I would never want to fall in love in the first place.

When they say falling in love is the best feeling, they were wrong. Falling is never the best feeling because it hurts.

My heart is BROKEN. Will it ever get fixed?

Lies Lies Lies.. Truth!

People lie. All the time. They rarely tell the truth. Even if they do, it's always half truths. Weird. Why can't they just tell the truth? I mean, are half truths better than the real truths?

I myself can't say the truth out loud. The truth about my feelings, the truth about what I don't like, the truth about the things I did in the past and many more. Why? Because most of them are unbearable. Most of the truths are regrets.

It's hard, it's cold, it's bitter.

When you see an ugly person, you either lie to that person by saying he/she is nice and pretty the way he/she is or you lie to yourself saying that the person must have a beautiful personality.

You lie to yourself when you found out that your life is shattering in front of your own eyes by saying that everything's gonna be okay. You lie to those around you when you told them that you're alright when the truth is, you're dying inside.

Your friends lied to you and told you that your bf is seen out with his cousin when thetruth is, they knew he was out with another girl.

The reasons why people lie:

1. To be polite.
2. To comfort one's self.
3. To just hide the cruel truth.

I lie a lot. Especially to myself. Pretending I'm gonna be better when I know, I'm not that strong.

Ramblings

Okay, this is one blogpost u can and are allowed to ignore. Completely. I don't mind. It's best if you don't read it at all. I really, honestly don't mind. I'm serious. I promise no hardfeelings taken. I swear. You can leave this page and I will still call you my friend. Just make sure you'll drop by later for my other readable posts. Okay?

I'm experiencing a major (as Jordan Roark says) RECKLESS PHASE. I don't know what to do, I don't know what's wrong or right, I'm afraid of moving on but it's not possible to still be normal after everything that's happened. I'm confused with myself. I feel funny, I even act funny. I talk less. Heck, I don't even care where my phone is right now. Hafta admit, this blog is my only escape. I can't bring myself to even go and hang out with my friends. This is serious. I seriously need help.

I feel as if my life is tumbling down. Do you know why I said I'm seriously ill? Because I enjoy doing my homework! For those who knew me since my first years of pubescence, they know how much I loath doing my assignments and homework. So there, I am officially going nuts. I need somebody to come and save me but that will take about a hundred more years. I can't wait that long!!

Even if I can, I'll be too old to even care whether or not I should be saved. It's complicated, my mind. I'm turning into a sceptic and a negative thinker. Which is also equal to me being a total loser. See, told ya I'm very negative nowadays. I don't understand why this is actually happening to me. I mean, I know part of the reasons (or could possibly be the ONLY reason) why I am like this. It's ridiculous, I know. But it's not like I can help it. Shit happens a lot. Especially to me.

I am trying my very best to try to get over the craziness, the depression, the mind disturbances that I'm having. I tried to hurt myself (tongue piercing included), I even tried to change the way I look. It's absurd. I haven't been out of my house since the holidays started except to a wedding and to a night market. The normal, usual me is never home in the holidays. Besides the fact that I'm broke (moneywise and emotionalwise), I can't even motivate myself to drive myself around my neighborhood (which is not much plus it's under construction).

Final note, I seem to hate hearing my phone ring. It hurts knowing that it's useless even if it rings. I don't like being left alone on my own but it seems lke nowadays, most of the time, I am all by myself.

Which hairstyle is ME?

Attention ppl! I need you to choose.

Hairstyle A

Hairstyle B

Again, I need your brilliant opinions. I need a change of image. =)

Thanks!

Final verdict.

This is the final verdict of a convict. Nah. I just thot they rhyme. Haha. Okay, so this is my final verdict.

Attention everyone.

I am not gonna PIERCE my tongue.

The decision was made after a few hours of thinking. Haha, and also after reading all ur comments that wasn't very encouraging. *Duhh!*

Thank you sgt2 for all ur comments. Nampak sgt korg syg gile kat aku =)

Bananas are more dangerous than kiwis. A fact.

Bananas are more dangerous than kiwis. Funny but true. Haha.

So I'm home now. Home sweet home. In front of the tv, typing my blog away. Having a good time watching the Olympics. *yeah, I'm an Olympic freak.*

Guys, do I have the potential to be a stalker? scratch that. Do i even look like a stalker? OMG. I AM NOT A STALKER PLS. I do browse thru ppl's profile but that doesn't mean I'm a stalker. If browsing thru other ppl's profile and blog is stalking, sumpah xde org nk online dah weyy. To paranoids, do know the difference between stalking and normal browsing thru. Bkn nk ckp ape laa kan, but certain ppl's thinking sgt xley blah kot.

Ok, topic change. I'm having nasi lemak fer breakyy today. Yummy! I haven't had breakyy for a while now. I know it's the most important meal of the day, *have been reminded everyday by ibu* but it's kinda difficult to have it in uni. I just don't have the time. Plus agak lecehla nk prepare pagi2.. Heh.

Last but not least, I'm so freaking happy to be home... =)

* My blogpost is not specifically referring to anyone so if anyone trase, je suis tres desolee. I'm very sorry. Ok?

Esok balik, yeay!

Oh cunness! I'm going back home tomorrow. I can't wait. I desperately need to get back to civillization where water and electricity exist simultaneously and consistently.

Tlg la, sengsare u know. Dhla xde air, electricity pon xde jugak. Adoy, kemiskinan...

One week of heaven at my own bed in my own home. Not to mention the nice food I get to eat everyday, yummy!! I don't think shopping will be much of an agenda since I'm financially running low. *too bad*

Tp satu je la yg kurang best, assignment Stats yg ade 300++ n Mandarin pon ade keje gak, oh, CTU juge. Blekh.

To ris yg bakal fly meninggalkan kami Chescos di Malaysia, FAREWELL N HAVE A SAFE JOURNEY HUN.. We're definitely gonna miss you...

* I wish I have super powers, preferably telekinesis. Sumpah saye pemalas weyyy!!

Ehem...

I need OPINIONS!!!!

Is tongue piercing a YES or a NO???

Pls comment at the shoutbox space. Thank you.

You LOST.

I'm soooo freaking lazy today. I don't wana go to my Statistics class cz I'm not in the mood to be assaulted again like I kene last Friday. Duh, so I did forget to do the tutorials but heck, that was only 4 sub-questions and I did finish my past semesters questions! Still I kene marah, x puas hati btol la!

Because of that, I don't feel like going to class today.

Next that is on my mind is about the readiness to let go and move on. Ntah la, bile ntah dpt the idea. Last night maybe. GOD, I know I'm crapping away with nonsense but I can't help it. Mungkin kerana saye kurang sihat hari ini.

Sheesh, I'm so addicted to Paramore nowadays. I know, I know. A bit too late nk get addicted now. Hahah. I want *Hayley's hair though. Chantekk!!!

Huh, somebody Skyped me. I don't know how they found me. I mean, I'm not even using Skype albeit the fact that I have it in my lappy. Sorry ppl, I xlayan anonymous strangers or in many cases, STRANGERS, x kesah la anonymous or not. I mmg mcm tu ok? Bkn sombong tp kurang friendly.

Oh, last but not least, when ur heart wins, you lose.

*Hayley Williams - Paramore's lead singer.

Oh lameness!

What is it with people and their ugly vanity? I mean, of course, everyone is vain at some point but this is limitless vanity I'm talking about. Being vain is not a crime. Being ultimately vain to the point of making people barf is nonsense.

I've put up with many kinds of people but when it comes to some, it's totally unacceptable if they are so full of themselves that the topic of the conversation MUST ALWAYS BE ABOUT THEM!

I'm just saying this but I'm not referring this to any group of people. If anyone has ever encountered these kind of people, they would understand wht I'm trying to convey here.

Honestly la kan? What do they feel when all they ever talk about is themselves? I mean, don't they ever get bored? Don't they notice the way others look at them? Don't they get tired and stop? Sheesh, they are definitely weird.

Well, I just hope they realise that what they're doing doesn't make sense, bore others and obviously not a good way to start a conversation. Other people will get tired.

Pls, stop. It is a total turn-off.

Hell - In Progress.

You know that part of life which is hell and no matter what, you have to go thru it still? Well, mine has just started. And believe me, it's gonna get worse. A LOT worse. Than just a few emotional stirrs.

I have no idea how it started, who started it (probably me), or how it's gonna end but from what I can see now is that my social life is hanging by a thread. Ok, maybe I exaggerated a bit. But maybe I'm right. No matter how serious (or not) the situation is, the possibility of my whole social circle could be affected is still high.

I'm soooo wishing I can travel thru time, see what happens next and if I could, I would try to escape the consequences.

People have impossibly huge mouth. Not literally but metaphorically speaking. Or figuratively speaking. Whichever suits best.

At this point of time, I desperately need someone to take me away so I can clear my thoughts. Chescos, I NEED HELP.

Attention PEOPLE!!

OKAYH PPL, I DINT GO TO MTV ASIA AWARDS!!!!!!

I'm so pissed. Bley plak last minute ticket kene cancel. F*** gile!

So, peeps, there's no need to envy me. Esp ris. Hahah.

But I'm glad that one of my friends dint forget that I can't make it so she snapped a few pictures of Brandon Urie, Panic! at the disco for moi. I sayang u Raisa!!! So nnt I'll post the pictures in my next post, hopefully soon right after i get the pics from her.

My going to KL wasn't quite a waste actually. Did some shopping, watched the X-Files which I can't quite catch the motive behind it's story. I baru tau Mulder n Scully tu ade affair. Hahah. Then makan2 with my friends. But behind all the time wasting activities all 4 of us did, we were still very, very, very frustrated. Nk pegi MTV ASIA laaaaaaaaa!!!!!

Well, this is all. Wait for my post where I'll post pics from the awards. courtesy of Raisa.

ps: To whom it may concern, I just got nominated for my AWARD tonite. I am so happy!!!