Ramblings

Okay, this is one blogpost u can and are allowed to ignore. Completely. I don't mind. It's best if you don't read it at all. I really, honestly don't mind. I'm serious. I promise no hardfeelings taken. I swear. You can leave this page and I will still call you my friend. Just make sure you'll drop by later for my other readable posts. Okay?

I'm experiencing a major (as Jordan Roark says) RECKLESS PHASE. I don't know what to do, I don't know what's wrong or right, I'm afraid of moving on but it's not possible to still be normal after everything that's happened. I'm confused with myself. I feel funny, I even act funny. I talk less. Heck, I don't even care where my phone is right now. Hafta admit, this blog is my only escape. I can't bring myself to even go and hang out with my friends. This is serious. I seriously need help.

I feel as if my life is tumbling down. Do you know why I said I'm seriously ill? Because I enjoy doing my homework! For those who knew me since my first years of pubescence, they know how much I loath doing my assignments and homework. So there, I am officially going nuts. I need somebody to come and save me but that will take about a hundred more years. I can't wait that long!!

Even if I can, I'll be too old to even care whether or not I should be saved. It's complicated, my mind. I'm turning into a sceptic and a negative thinker. Which is also equal to me being a total loser. See, told ya I'm very negative nowadays. I don't understand why this is actually happening to me. I mean, I know part of the reasons (or could possibly be the ONLY reason) why I am like this. It's ridiculous, I know. But it's not like I can help it. Shit happens a lot. Especially to me.

I am trying my very best to try to get over the craziness, the depression, the mind disturbances that I'm having. I tried to hurt myself (tongue piercing included), I even tried to change the way I look. It's absurd. I haven't been out of my house since the holidays started except to a wedding and to a night market. The normal, usual me is never home in the holidays. Besides the fact that I'm broke (moneywise and emotionalwise), I can't even motivate myself to drive myself around my neighborhood (which is not much plus it's under construction).

Final note, I seem to hate hearing my phone ring. It hurts knowing that it's useless even if it rings. I don't like being left alone on my own but it seems lke nowadays, most of the time, I am all by myself.